BREAKING NEWS!....Wait, you already knew? Damn,

Well, Jeff Hardy got arrested.

Anyone shocked? Anyone at all? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Pain pills are highly addictive. I know because when I got my wisdom teeth taken out I got a pill bottle of, shit, I can't even remember. But I remember the dentist, before handing me the perscription, telling me only taking the meds when I feel pain...BUT only take, like, a max of 3 a day or something so something like what happened/happening to Mr. Jeff Hardy, alleg medly.

Now, I never did flippy stuff 365 days a year. I never jumped off of a turnbuckle and landed on my neck. I never landed on my head. I never broke any bones in my body. I never did what Jeff Hardy has done in his career, hell I never did the moves the Shockmaster has done in his career. So I don't know what Jeff put his body through so I'm not going to say anything about what he did...allegedly.

HOWEVER I will say this to Jeffro. Don't blame the WWE. You know full well WWE didn't shove pills down your throat. Hell, they gave you two swift kicks in the ass for the same damn thing. GET HELP! Fuck wrestling, right now. You have demons still inside you that need to be relinquished, again. Wrestling should be the least of your worries, sir. If you're not careful, you could be facing jail time. And, I'm going to steal this from Office Space, you're not going to conjugal visit Club Fed prision...oh no, you're going to Pound-Me-in-the-Ass prision if anything.

If you need proof in what I'm trying to tell Jeff, let me give you a few examples. Kurt Angle. He was just caught stalking his former girlfriend. And what was in his car? Pain pills and steroids, allegedly.

Rey Mysterio, same thing...he just failed a drug test, if I am not mistaken. Unlike Kurt Angle, he lost his title.

But guys who took the cocktail that Jeff, allegedly, took...and more. Let's see...Eddie Guerrero? He didn't get suspended...he didn't lose a title...HE LOST HIS LIFE!

Chris Benoit, the combination of concussions, steroids, and pain medication lead him, probably, to the things that he did to his wife and child.

Now, Jeff, if I were you...I would take the best offer, maybe the only offer, on the table. Get your ass in the Betty Ford clinic, maybe get into Dr. Drew's Sober House (Hey, it helped Andy Dick). Then, after you're clean...then you can focus on wrestling and then, my friend, you rebuild, rethink, and revive the career of Jeff Nero Hardy.

But get help first, please? For your fans. For your family. And, mostly, for your life.

MNW II? Highly Unlikely

Why is it unlikely? Simple. WWE is getting younger, while TNA is getting older and older and older.

With the rescent pick-ups of Brian Danielson and Nigel McGuinness, WWE has pulled slightly away from TNA. But, you think about it, ever since CM Punk left ROH to get to WWE, MANY ROH stars have followed suit

• Colt Cabana/Scotty Goldman
• Matt Sydal/Evan Bourne
• Low-Ki/Senshi/Kaval
• Danielson
• McGuinness

I know I probably left off some wrestlers, but you get the drift. Tell me, who were the latest guys TNA have picked up who made a difference like CM and Bourne?

• Bobby Lashley/Former ECW champion/(lets face it) Future TNA champion
• Dominic Dinero/ Former ECW wrestler Elijah Burke
• Jethro Holliday/ Former RAW Tag champion Trevor Murdoch
• Taz

TNA is turning into WCW...not the good MNW WCW, but the WCW who had the 3 Stooges of Wrestling, the WCW who focussed on the digruntled WWF/E wrestlers (Kevin Nash, Scott Hall in WCW; "Mr. Stalker McRoidHead" Kurt Angle and Matt Morgan in TNA...not to mention Team 3D) than they do with the young talent (Chris Jericho, Rey Mysterio, Eddie Guerrero in WCW; Eric Young, MCMG, in TNA).

But what about ROH? They are losing out, BIG! Two GREAT legends of Ring of Honor, two GREAT wrestlers in general leaving the ROH brand for someone else. How does this keep happening? It's simple...they don't have money to keep people, heck...they don't have money to be on standard cable like WWE (USA, MyNetwork TV, and SyFy...::pronounced Siffy::) and TNA (Spike TV) let alone keep great talent like McGuinness and Danielson and others.

Either way, this is a good pickup by WWE (if they use them correctly) and a sudden blow to the fem-nuts of Dixie Carter and the entire TNA roster.

The 5 Count! GM Edition

Alright, we had 5 GMs so far...and now, it's time to rank them. It's time to rank them on their performance as GM ONLY.

5) ZZ Top - Now, I was in Delaware during this time...so I can't really tell what happened when ZZ came out. But it just seemed like ZZ Top was there just to shake hands and not get dirty. It wasn't that great.

4) Ted DiBiase - When I heard he was going to be the first GM of the week, I was giddy as a little school girl. However, besides the bitch slap from Teddy Jr....he really didn't do much of anything but laugh. Even though I do really like him and would like to see him as GM somewhere down the line so he can work more of his stuff.

3) Seth Green - The first GM of the week to get in the ring and go "toe-to-toe" with the big stars. I was kinda impressed, but not that well impressed to move him up on the list.

2) Shaq - This was really tough, I could have gone either way with this one. However, Shaq's appearance was the most watched of the five GMs. Shaq was pretty Shaqtastic to say the least.

And the number one, so far, GM of the week...

1) Jeremy Piven - If he wasn't an already well-accredited actor, I would have snatched him up as the perminent GM or a manager, he was that friggin' good.

To be honest, all five of these GMs were better than the last three general managers that the WWE had on RAW in the previous years. Mike Adamle, Stephane McMahon, and Vickie Guerrero regimes put together couldn't stand up to ZZ Top, let alone Piven.

This, in fact, was a pretty good idea put upon by the WWE staff and with Sgt. Slaughter coming next week, hopefully he won't have anything to sell like 4 out of the 5 GMs that were there were, actually doing (Shaq Versus, Robot Chicken, ZZ Top's new CD, and...of course...The Goods).

The Dying Breeds

I get like this all of the time. Every now and again people come up and tell me "You know wrestling's fake right?" or "You know it's all pre-planned" and whatnot. And I sit there shaking my head and smiling because I know it is "pre-planned" and all of that jazz but...you know something? If you told me that...a few years ago...ok, more than a few years ago...I would have laughed in your face.

I grew up in the 1990s, before AOL, before AIM, before Al Gore created the internets, which we now know are a series of tubes. Anyways, I grew up before all of that...I had no prior knowledge...I was, I guess you can say, gullible? Young? Etcetera. But that's not the point of this article.

I have to spill the beans on myself here, you take it what you will...wrestling, to me, was just as real as the air I breathed when I started yelling and cheering for what I believed was true. Grant it, I was in the era of the Undertaker, Repo Man, and Knuckleball Schwartz...I knew the Undertaker wasn't really dead....I knew the Repo Man wasn't really a garbage man...and I knew Knuckleball Schwartz was...just...weird. But I knew it was all real, I knew that there was something real about every promo, every fight, every feud. I thought it was for reals.

But, just like Santa Claus...the Easter Bunny...and the hot, hot, HOT Tooth Fairy that I imagined in my dreams, I had to be told...and being told wasn't fun. Denial, laughing, and a lot of "psh"-es. But, after a while, it all came together. I started, since now the internet was up and running for good and stumbled across the spoilers, that (more than anyone telling me it was fake) was the last straw for me...and, yes, I am now a believer that wrestling is SCRIPTED but not fake.

But the point of this post is simple, we live in a society where...not only are the stories scripted...but they are done severely poor. Back in the LATE eighties EARLY nineties, the stories were BELIEVABLE, which made me...and a few others...believe that there was something really going on between two rivals, that they really hated each other, and so on and so forth. Those were the days.

But, like I said, we are in a dying breed. Because of the poor writing staff and the poor character development, and...just like Chris Jericho said in his book...the birth and expansion of the internet, there won't be many people...if any, that will believe what I believed back in the day.

My youth rocked!

Morphing in the Ring

OK, first lets shave the beard...but leave the sideburns....pointed.
Next, give him a Def Leppard shirt....and make him a little bit chubby. Then...replace the trophy with a Ping Pong paddle....ABBRA KADABRA!

Ahmed Johnson = Zeke?

You be the judge!

Donald Trump? Wow.

Well, the "Donald Trump Era" has arrived and has already made an impact on Monday Nights making it an hour long.

Why? I don't know why...it just is. But...got me to thinking. It got me thinking of the other moves that The Don has in store for the wrestling world and Monday Nights, and if you know me I love my Top 5s with a passion. So, why not? Here's the top five moves The Don might make in the time he has as "owner" of RAW.

5. Joan Rivers taking Lillian Garcia's place as RAW's ring announcer. As you know (or maybe you don't know...or, like me, care), Mrs. Rivers won Celebrity Apprentice after beating Annie Duke (who is one hot fox, if you ask me). But, why not, as the "Celebrity Apprentice" Joan's first job...be the ring announcer for America's number one show on Monday nights (or whatever the hell they put up in the weird "Did You Know" crap).

4. Change everything to solid gold. The ring, the entrance, the ring ropes, the barricades, the scaffolding, the screen, the announce tables, Jerry's crown, everything will have gold on it. Why the hell not?

3. Have every wrestling event occur in a Trump Tower. Hell, TNA does it in one place all the time...Trump has a Trump Hotel/Plaza/Tower/Complex/Retirement Home/Beach/Planet in nearly every friggin' state, including Cuba and the Dominican Republic. So, why not?

2. RAW Apprentice. You take the people that don't matter on RAW. Your Chavoes, Nobles, and The Brian Kendrickes and have them do tasks to be The Don's right hand man and, for those who don't succeed....will, actually, be fired.

1. Force every RAW diva to be his wife for a week. Hell, Santina would be a step up from Ivanna Trump.